Blissed # 29: Why I do not invest in deep friendships anymore?
An 'open letter' to friendship
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Hello community !
Friendship is a very vast yet sensitive topic. There might be no being on this planet who hasn’t had friends at some point in their life. There are numerous stories, books, novellas, poetry etc. written on friendship. Some talk about how friendships bind us, how we should make thoughtful friends, how we should never betray friends etc. But what happens when the whole concept of friendship betrays you! In modern times, this term has taken a different shape and has definitely transformed my perspective, due to which I think deeply before investing in ‘deep friendships’. To explain better, let me tell you my personal (true) story:
“I had a very good friend, termed as my ‘best friend’ for a long time (we were best buddies for around 15 years). We studied in the same school, had common friends, hung out after school, between school and on weekends, our parents became best friends, went out for family picnics, we chatted for hours on phone after school instead of being together in school and so on. Such was our friendship, that our names were always called out as a duo as we seemed to be inseparable. While we both were starkly different; she was an extrovert who was popular for being a rebel, I was an introvert famous for being the listener and the adaptable one. Maybe that’s largely why we got along, as we balanced each other pretty well. In the 15 years of our friendship we never fought. It came as a surprise to other people but normal to us as there was no agenda for disagreements. We liked each others company and practically didn’t need a third person around us ever. Happy story till now… Suddenly after school, once we parted ways academically as a result of choosing different colleges, there came a drifting period. It was maybe not intentional (at least not for me) but it happened. The drift became more prominent when she did not ask me to accompany for her wedding preparations, an event which I was really looking forward to. Now, there is another backstory to this! The person whom she was getting married to was my next door neighbor whom she met through me at a common get-together. I was uninformed of the fact that when their relationship status changed from ‘just friends’ to ‘just married’. This was when I got a reality hit! The first time I realized how I was so attached to her, and maybe she wasn’t (to the same degree as me). And then when I was trying to come out of the heartbreak of a deep friendship I realized she would be my next door neighbor. Things got worse as we didn’t make eye contact or acknowledge each other while crossing path. Mind it, still we haven’t fought so technically there is no reason for us to not talk or socialize. It became evident to me that this was the death of our ‘deep friendship’ and suddenly she was gone (she shifted to the States as her husband got posted there for work). What next! I was still here, wondering what went wrong? Did I do something wrong? Or was it her? Did we both do something wrong? Or was it someone else? I never got answers to these questions. But I did get another answer…..”
Friendship are like those abstract thoughts which bump into our minds randomly. Some might stay forever, some might leave soon, some might even scar us. Our job is to learn from the friendships rather than get attached or mourn over them as after all they are abstract thoughts which will eventually fade over time, and its beyond our control to capture them. What is in our control is to remember and learn from moments spent together and talk them out with our kids to tell them stories of our childhood, while laughing out loud as we narrate; as some day the stories of our friendship would be buried along with us like my deep friendship
Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash
From that time on till now, I have made numerous friends, but not deep friends. Maybe its the fear of again being attached and being hurt, or the fear of losing that one special. But I would prefer to make friends whom I meet occasionally, laugh out loud with while cracking some stupid jokes, hang out with casually for movies, do some random shopping or take an unplanned trip to the mountains — but I do not want to invest in deep friendships anymore.
If you wish to share your friendship story, share in the comments section below. I would love to read and comment.
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It's heart-wrenching to hear how a friendship that lasted for 15 years took an unexpected turn. The beauty of friendships lies in the shared moments and the lessons they teach us. It's a journey of learning, growth, and sometimes, letting go.
I think people change , we change and the wavelengths also change .. some friendships run deeper . You may not speak at all everyday and yet remain close and there are some where you speak everyday but there are no real emotional connections